Disclaimer: I am not calling your friends losers. Well, I am, but not directly.
Your friends are allowed to live their own life any which way they please. For the sake of this article, your loser friend is defined as: A friend in your circle who is a contributing factor to you losing sight of your goals, ambition, and ultimately what you want to accomplish. Someone who brings absolutely no value to your end-game goal. Agree? Ok, good. I’m sure by now you have an idea of which friends I’m talking about, so let’s move on.
Signs of a loser friend:
1. They are not supportive of your goals
You have goals, right? If not, read THIS before you continue. Your goals are defined by your work ethic and the support of friends and loved ones. Simply put, if your circle is not supportive then they are distractive.
2. They go missing when you need them most
You need them when things go wrong. Their unavailability will emotionally hurt you. Why? Because you are always there for them! These one sided relationships will eventually take its toll on you. Maybe it is time to find yourself a mentor? Need help finding a mentor? Read THIS….
3. They don’t clap when you win
This is my favorite way to define my real supporters vs. my fakes. Big wins, small wins, almost wins, some losses…I want my support circle to “clap for me” to help keep me going. The friends that really love you and support you are going to celebrate everything with you.
4. They’re in constant need of favors
This is the friend who always comes to you with a favor, big or small, but gets offended when you are unable to deliver. Remember above, when you needed them and they were busy? Now that the tables are turned, notice how you are the bad guy for not being available? Take the hint…
5. Their whole life is a crisis
The more they need, the more they want, the more crisis they have in their lives, the more it weighs down on your ability to focus on your success. How much of your time can you devote to their crisis vs. working on your success? I’ll make it easy for you, the answer is none.
6. They have no goals or ambitions
What are their goals? If they haven’t made it abundantly clear what their goals are, there is a good chance they don’t have any. If they do, and don’t share with you constantly, you should re-evaluate the level of trust within your friendship.
7. They have a part time job that they show up to twice a week
Do they work part time because the rest of the time they are in “school”? Are they the type to call in sick more days than they show up to work? Do they take days off to study for “school” 3 times a week? My examples are extreme to demonstrate the habits and patterns that should be tipping you off. A lazy friend who won’t put in any effort for their own goals/success will definitely not put in any effort to help you reach yours.
Let’s take a look as to where your loser friends came from.
You used to live across the street
You used to go to school with them
You met them at a party / bar / gathering
You played on the same sports team
You had a similar interest back in 1992
If you notice the pattern, all of the items on the list above are “passed-tense” themed. The theme should give you enough of a hint that these people were there at a certain point in your life but are not where you plan on going. If your ambitions and work ethic aren’t directly in-line with that of your friends, it’s time to consider how much time you actually spend with said friends.
You don’t want to divorce your friend, you have excuses:
– He’s been my friend since we were kids
– He would pass me the ball more than anyone else on our basketball team
– He’s crazy, but that’s him being him
– I HAVE to be there for him in case he needs me
– If we break up, he will have nobody to turn to
– He will be heart broken
Most people take the passive approach. I don’t want confrontation in my life, I have too much going on to have to deal with this too, etc. Ultimately, if your thoughts are in line with this article that means it is only a matter of time before they do something to send you off into the deep end. There are ways for you to mutually divorce your friend without making it World War 3.
My biggest advice would be to do it now vs. wait for reasons outside of your control to get it done.